Summer

It is so hot out! I cannot stand to be outdoors when I have the sweat dripping off my body and making me pant like a dog. As I was outside today I realized that the idea behind the summer is actually brutal. We wait all year for this time of fun in the sun to arrive, but for what? To sweat for hours and crave a good drink. Then we go inside too hot to take a shower because the water is warm and so the list goes on and on.

Honestly I feel very bad for the animals in our world. They are outside continuously in the extreme conditions with no escape to the cool air inside. On top of the heat they are covered in fur in which they cannot cool down but lock in the warmth. They run around all day trying to find some cooling shelter in which they normally cannot succeed in until it is night. The beaming sun looking all amazing as we believe it does is actually  breaking us down so we cannot function.

The sun can be compared to the angel and devil on your shoulder. On one hand it is fantastic to be outside, it leads to no school, and it makes everyone genuinely happier. Along with that comes the bad side, sweating, overheated, house work, and babysitting. So why do we not long for winter or fall? We will never know but one thing I can say is summer bring it on!

Afterlife?

Life, Evolution, and our known existence are questions I am always pondering in my mind. When we think of the difference between life and death we have no clue what is actuality of what is in a figment of our imagination. When the idea of evolution is actually questioned we are lacking many answers about our world.

Many believe that once we die we are lead into another life in which we will live. Our minds are erased and we have no idea of what we have previously been through. Now are reborn into a world in which we take on a new role as someone else. So the body disappears and the memories lead to heaven and the spirit transfers over. Do you ever see a baby that is born and they have many same characteristics as a passed family member? Or they look the exact same as someone who has passed. This raises the question of are they continuing around the cycle and it really is them.

When someone dies they supposedly see the light and move towards it. AS moving toward the light we could take this experience like the birth of a child. Maybe you die and are instantly born again as another. We see the light and as a baby is born they come out of a dark place to see the light. So maybe, just maybe we still do have them around us. Along with seeing the light, memories flash before your eyes and see your past. Maybe as memories flash this is us remembering one last time and then our minds are cleared. No more memories until we recreate a new life

Whenever you actually sit down and analyze the ideas of life you become completely baffled. Are we all in a cycle? Do we consistently morph into something else that we will now become? It is an answer we will never be able to fathom the answer. We cannot experience the ideas of life vs. death until it is too late to comprehend. If only there was a way to learn and experience this and then relay the information. Dying is a horrid sensation to begin to think of and I do not want to be anywhere nears it. I can be perfectly fine with the outstanding amount of questions that still consume my mind.  Maybe we are all dreamers and are actually not living at all, we will never know.

Crime is pride

               

Think: all men make mistakes

But a good man yeilds when he

Knows his course is wrong,

And repairs the evil: The only

Crime is pride.

As I read through the expert shown above I get this overwhelming sense of depth behind the author’s purpose. On the surface it seems a commonly confusing statement that is normally made within poetry. I begin to then re-read the excerpt and something catches my eye. The purpose is being shown as the idea of personality. All humans make mistakes and you could say we “repair the evil” so we can continue on from the issue. The final line is where it hits me; they say that “the only crime is pride.”

                Pride; the state or feeling of being proud. When we all think of the word we instantly think of different experiences involving our sense of pride. In elementary school we are told to have pride in our country. We need to support our country and show how proud we are to be Americans. Pride is a characteristic many strive to achieve within a lifetime. As reading the poem we then are told that when we are involved in evil our only crime is pride. Granted we all do make mistakes but the logic or theory behind them but pride is nowhere near the ideals of evil.

                Throughout life I have made some mistakes, being the teenager I am. Throughout this time I have as Antigone has stated “yields” when I knew my course was wrong. Once a person has realized their mistakes they do try and “repair the evil”, depending on how severer the mistake may be. When committing mistakes never once did they relate back to idea of pride. The thought of the word itself makes me think in a positive manner.  I have been raised to think of myself and my family with pride. Along with my family I need to take pride in my country. If pride committed all evils in the world we would never be encouraged to be full of pride.

                On the opposite spectrum some have changed the meaning behind having pride. There is a fine line between having pride and being cocky with oneself. Some feel they partake in certain activities due to the feeling of so called pride in themselves to participate in them. Due to the lack of intelligence these people contain the thought of pride is swayed. For example, recently when the Boston Marathon Bombings occurred many wondered what their motivation was to harm so many innocent people. One man once caught alive was said to have said that he attacked the United States because he had so much pride in his home country to come attack us. It is completely logical to have pride in your country but to then go and attack another nation is taking it to another level.

                So in the end maybe pride can lead to overall conflict and crime. Maybe if we did not have so much pride in what we believe in we would avoid catastrophes. The definition of pride will be continuously changing until the world stops revolving around the sun. We cannot control the outcome but we can fix our evils and reduce our crime. The current definition still rains true to me. The idea of having pride in something you believe in is not evil.

Physical Therapy.. nahh

Along with my illness problems I attend physical therapy to prevent breakdown of my body in the future. Now when I go to the physical therapist I have great intentions of trying to improve my strength and follow their instructions. One problem still lies ahead, they are boring and seem pointless.

Last night my mom reminds me of an appointment in Iowa City. I figured it was one of my follow up appointments for another problem I have due to Ehler Danlos Syndrome. No this appointment had to be for my physical therapist. I instantly go running into my room and grab my exercise list. Whenever I have a follow up they check to see my progress. These exercises haven’t been touched since the day I got them!

My therapist can limit my activity for sustainable living. Earlier this year he suspended me from cheerleading because I wasn’t strong enough to perform. Today is the appointment to see if he will take off my restrictions so I can participate in activities. My mouth literally dropped to the floor when my mom told my where I was going. I need to find a quick solution to my problem. This solution needed to occur in twelve hours as well.

Solution #1) I quickly review them so I know what is happening and I can bull shit my way through the meeting. This will then make Mike think I have been completing them and I will be cleared.

Solution #2) I tell him the truth and pray to god he will release me. I mean honesty is the best policy isn’t it?

As I ponder my options I tell my mother. She breaks the news that she will tell him no matter what so I then begin to beg her to not tell him. Whats my next move? Bribe her of course! So I promised to buy her a peanut buster parfait for her tomorrow, with my own money. Did she fall for it? Hell no… I have looped holed the best I can (might I say I do it very well). So fingers crossed I can trick my therapist and he isn’t reading my blog right now… opppss (Hi Mike)

Ehler Danlos Syndrome

At the end of my freshman year I fell very ill and could not walk. I was confined to a hospital bed and could not move around on my own. As this was all occurring we had no idea what was happening. The summer was exhausting learning to walk again beginning with a walker, then crutches, and finally on my own again. No one will know how much we depend on our body until you lose something we need every day to function. The journey was painful but I am happy to say that I can now walk on my own again.

Along with the issues of learning to walk again came the new tests and treatment solutions while we wait to figure out what my ailments were. I started taking medicines to block the pain messengers sent to my brain so that I could not feel the pain I had anymore. That led me to some personality changes that we all did not agree with so I stopped taking it. Since then I have continued to experience pain so we have tried new combinations. I currently take nine medications daily to protect me and make me feel better enough to function in daily life. They consist of stomach medicines, pain blockers, personality medicines, allergy pills, and all different types of vitamins.

We had to wait almost three long years to figure out a diagnosis for my illness. During this timeframe I have been through many tests. I have donated over 5 gallons of blood to be tested, spinal taps, stomach scopes, x-rays, ultrasounds, and many others. I have attended University of Iowa hospitals and MAYO clinics in Minnesota for treatment. At U of I I was diagnosed with chronic pain syndrome but this was not the answer to all of my problems. Once this one piece of the puzzle was figured out I started going to a physical therapist. He evaluated me and diagnosed me on the spot. He said you have Ehler Danlos Syndrome. We were then sent to have tests done and I was confirmed with the disease.

Ehler Danlos Syndrome is a rare genetic disease that gets passed down to offspring. It makes your immune system attack itself and begins to break down the body. I found out I had type 3 which was a blessing for me. If you get type 2 you can have the vascular complications where I don’t. I do not produce enough collagen that is needed for a healthy body. So I am extra flexible and can easily make my joints pop out of place. I am more susceptible to breaks and bruises, scars don’t disappear, and other complications. Along with these issues I get fatigued very easily so I have to manage my amount of activity in which I preform in.

I can continue living for right now but in the end I will need to re evaluate my life because the older you get the more my body will break down and stop working.

Family!

Family, a single word that can pack a punch behind it. It can mean the difference between succeeding and failing. They show you love and affection no matter what sins we commit, or the problems we face. We can always have someone to fall back on in a time of need and that is when you need them the most. Without my family I would not be the person I have grown to be.

My mother means the world to me. She has experienced things no one can imagine but is still as strong as anyone can be. Whenever I am faced with a problem she is there to pull me through. She is the protector and will not let anyone harm her young. Mama bear is not afraid to come out if someone messes with her babies. Even though I may not like it she is not afraid to tell me no, especially when I hated her for it. She has the kindest heart and will help anyone in need. She tries to provide all she can for her family so we can have the best life possible. I feel that I cannot have a better mother ever. She is selfless, caring, loving, and can still be authoritative. I can truly say she is my best friend and I feel comfortable to tell her anything even if she won’t like to hear it.

My little sister is the biggest goof ball you will ever meet. She has the humor that will never die down. I can never have a dull moment when my little sis is around. Even though she does get on my nerves I still love her. I love watching her grow and admire the things I do. I can see the admiration in her eyes as she tries to copy what I do. She has already matured far past her level a seven year old should be at and I am happy to take the responsibility for that. Along with being funny, she had the most tender heart you can ever meet. She can rub your back when your crying, or give you the warmest heart to cheer you up. I cannot wait until she grows up and I can see what she will blossom into.

My dad is my twin. I am a carbon copy that was made into a female instead of a male. He has the best humor around and is passionate about whatever he gets into. He will not quit until he has reached his goal he has set to accomplish. We both are very loud and not afraid to speak our minds. If we have a problem with you we will let you know what we are feeling. Granted, sometimes that is bad but sometimes it is needed. Without my dad I would not be the loud, outgoing, crazy girl I am today.

High school is ending

The idea of growing up is finally sinking in. We all look forward to the idea of maturing and becoming an adult. When were little we all tunnel vision for the idea of being in high school which is made out to be the best days of your life. Supposedly filled with friends, boyfriends, dances, parties, and endless fun. As I am now about to close the book to my high school era it is making me see the sadness that I rushed into being in high school when I shouldn’t have.

Last week I sang for my last tryout ever to be in show choir. I have been under the insane pressure of trying out since I was in third grade. Every year brings along new emotions and worries.  As I finished singing my patriotic song I could breath and be proud of the voice I have become. Walking out of the choir room I felt and overwhelming sense of pride over what I have accomplished. Then as I see my best friend throughout show choir I began to feel sad. We both hit the realization that this is ending.

In the coming week I will be auditioning to be a returning varsity cheerleader. When I started high school that was all I wanted to do. I have achieved my goals and now know I will never do anything like this ever again. The golden days are ending and it is paying its toll on me. I am excited to be the senior who is on top of the so called “high school pyramid” but on the other hand that means you’ve reached the final stretch. I am about to cross the finish line of my high school career.

I have hit the wall of reality as well knowing that I now am going to have to be self-sufficient. I will be graduating high school and now venturing into college, a new world where you will float or sink. I need to keep a strong head on my shoulders and not let myself fall into peer pressure. I cannot crumble I need to rise above.  I am beginning to see my life flash before my eyes and now wish I would have taken the chance to value the little things in life while I could when I was little. One day they will be gone and I will wish I could take it all back and redo it. Cherish the moment you have because they will soon be gone.

Poetry Month... yaaayy..

Among the dead, By: Karlie Keeney

As I descend the long path to the underworld
A blooming flower I see, I cannot look away
Forced to stare down at this evil beside me
The dew is wept to the cold ground
Falling from within, drowning my sorrows
I will support the majority, oppose the minority
For united we can do anything,
Divided we can conquer nothing
I am dead and forever will be
As I have to watch others around me
Struggling alone to live while I am among others
We can suffer together not in lonesome
Bound by a common thread
We are the dead, we are the fallen flowers
When one joins we comfort them
As they feel they have became a demon
They may now rest in peace in the newfound heaven

(17 lines)

Analysis of Poem using Literary and Rhetoric Techniques
-Line 1) I make use of an allusion by portraying the path leading to hell
-Line 2) Symbolism is used because flowers are normally thought of as a good and pretty thing where in the poem they are viewed as bad and evil
-Line 3) My diction of the poem is a very evil form of word choice where instead of praising flowers I am degrading them
-Line 4) The use of personification is used by saying "The dew wept to the cold ground" Flowers do release dew, but they do not weep the dew as a human like quality of crying
-Line 5) In this line I make use of irony because flowers have no emotions but yet I state "drowning my sorrows"
-Line 6) Antithesis is used in the form of  "I will support the majority, oppose the minority" I am using contrasting ideas or words used in a parallel structure.
-Line 7) Finally I use Inversion which is using an inverted order of words in a sentence "For united we can do anything, divided we can conquer nothing"

Letter to heaven

Dear Grandpa,

                My last few weeks have been hell. I have been through anger, tears, depression, loneliness, loss, and grief.  My brain never shuts down. I am consoling mom, taking care of kaleigh, and holding in my feelings. After I found out you were gone my world stopped. I felt crushed and like a piece of my heart had fallen off. You were loving, funny, and finally starting to come to my activities. Why did you want to leave me and go somewhere else?

                You were so proud of me making Happiness this year. We started to bond over show choir and you truly enjoyed coming and watching me preform. My performance at Kennedy you couldn’t make it to because you had to work and you promised you would come to my going out concert in May. Why did you break my promise? You swore you were going to be there to see my shining face on the stage that you had become to love.

                I am growing up and we just talked about my graduation and eighteenth birthday coming up. The feeling of pride that overcame you that I was going to graduate made me so proud to be your granddaughter. Your enthusiasm towards my high academic achievements always pushed me to continue trying even when I wanted to give up. I am almost an adult and about to become a young woman. My wedding would soon be around the corner and you were going to be there for me, seeing me create my future. Great-grandchildren were in your future to play with just like you did with me. Why did you not want to witness my future that is laying ahead of me?

                What am I left with now? I am always upset and try and hold it in. I cry when no one is around and then curse you out. If you were here I would hit you and then hug you so much. The only thought that runs through my mind was did you not think of me? You were always there for me and promised to continue to be. Did you not imagine the pain I would feel, the guilt that would overcome me, the overwhealming amount of greif I will feel. I cannot handle hearing the words death or kill me. We sing songs in choir that make me choke up every time we sing them. I am singing a solo that makes me feel that I am singing to you. I was so looking forward to you being at that concert to cheer me on.

                All that I wish is that I could have known what was going on in your mind. Why you didn’t take one second to analyze the situation. It was so vivid and painful. Walking through your house feels wrong, and thinking of how it happened is wrong. I have nightmares of you falling on the bed and screaming out in pain. You are asking for help and once it happened you were wanting to take It back. I have completely transformed into a new person who is cold and hollow. I can feel no emotions except sadness. I fake being happy for others to see. I want to be able to know the logic behind your thinking.

Please, pretty please give me some answers so I will feel better.

With all my love,

Your granddaughter Karlie

The male brain..Help!

                Do you ever have that moment where you smile like an idiot at a text, re-read a conversation just to hear the thoughts of the one you long for, await their response, or have your heart start pounding when they come near? I’m sure we have all experienced these feelings within sometime of our life. Girls more than boys typically seem the experience these fantasies and just never put their mind to sleep.  I would love to know what the boys think in their minds when they see a girl or experience their touch. Do they as well feel the spark and become excited.

                Example 1, you are at the male’s house that you like and are just hanging out and talking. As you are anxiously awaiting him to come near you our minds wander. To what could possibly happen. Then he comes over to you and hugs you. There is instantly the stupid grin you can’t wipe off your face and you want to stay there forever. Now this is the girls perspective but what do the guys think. Do they just do it to hug her or do they really want too?

Example 2, you are texting and the guy will say something such as “That’s all I wanted was to see you(:” We are all giddy inside and happy that the boy wants us and was thinking about getting to see us. We then analyze the text and send it to our friends and ask them what they think and so on. We never want to lose that message and we want him to say it again. Does the boy say it for the hell of it? Did they really want to see us that badly that they took the time to push the buttons to say it? Why can we not have a solid answer?

                Example 3, the confusing male. This is the most common type of male. He will not express his emotions and create stupid comments that will make us become even more confused. He says “I like you a lot and I don’t have two meanings when I say that but I don’t see me dating right now, just a thing.” Do boys think it is okay just to call it a thing with no commitment and just mess around? Or are they truly terrified of the thoughts of being with one person?

The dish on the ACT

                The ACT too many is the determining factor for your future. For others it is the stressor of a lifetime. As I approached taking this test I could not feel but many emotions. I was nervous, anxious, scarred, and sad. Why these emotions you may ask? Well ill let you know. Nervous, I was nervous because I would be taking the test for the first time ever and I had not experienced it before. Anxious because I wanted to receive a high score and build a strong base for my future. Extremely scarred that the test would make me want to stab my eye balls out. Finally, sad because it means high school is almost over for me.

                As I approached my testing room full of silence and strict rooms I seemed to relax a little. Even though my heart was beating away like no other I still felt the calmness comes over me. The test were not hard but were semi horrid. They take forever and make me fall asleep as I am reading the passage. Especially during the written expression when the passages were of no relevance to any matter and the grammatical errors were tortures. What is the difference between Its, It’s, Its’? Will someone please explain to me! I had at least five questions over the same concept. We finally move on to the math portion of the test and may I say.. mind blown! I studied and took the practice tests for the math section and was still the major confused. It was barley any algebra and was consumed with geometry which I never learned. Once that torture is over we only get a ten minute break in between! Like hello people I am a fatty who consistently eats so the break was not long enough!

                Testing resumes with long as hell readings that can make me go insane and rip all of my hair out. Science may I say was the worst portion of the test. I had to evaluate so many graphs that I stopped even reading the studies being conducted because they were taking too long. As the overachiever that I am I did take the writing portion. I feel it was very beneficial to me because I knew the topic and could answer it well.

                The only hope that I hold out is that I scored a 26 or higher. If I can accomplish that goal I will be able to finally be done with the ACT and never see that horrid test ever again!

Summer time fever!(:

I have recently hit the realization that it is almost summer and I cannot stop thinking of what the future will hold! I cant wait to lay out and tan, go swimming, vacation, and have nothing to worry about at all but kicking back and enjoying myself. Summer symbolizes the freedom that kids in school so long for while we are stuck in class.

It is finally warming up and now experiencing the sun so I sit in class and zone out the window. Day dreaming of the good ol days that are soon to come. My friends and I make bucket lists and have the most outrageous ideas in mind to accomplish over the summer time. Not only does summer show us the great times we have ahead to experience it shows us the miracles got has left out for us. The seasons change and we can experience new things. It gives us hope in the cold winter that we are nearing the warmth that we so longingly deserve. Everyone in general is much more happy and can enjoy themselves more. We can kick back and lay out. The idea of school is so stressful and we just want a break to soak up some of that sunny d! So come on summer I dare you to come out and show your face!

The ground hog saw his shadow and it is time for him to show me the long awaited spring. I am ready to road trip, go shopping, roll down first ave with the windows down and music blaring, and go to the pool. It is now time to break out the short shorts and tanks and live in my swimsuit. Become super tan and get that summer glow. Say goodbye to school and see it next year when I will be a senior. Its time to live the good life before school in High School will soon come to an end. I am beckoning summer to come save me from my peril of school time. I have hit my level of work and am ready for that break so I hope I hit it soon!

Once summer hits we wont be able to stop. So let have fun and make the best of it. Start the trends and make the memories. Meet new people have new fun and most importantly spend time with the ones that mean the most to you! Holla back girl its time to party! You do only live life once...

Inspiration blooming from us all

Dancing is not just movement that we do for fun, it creates a world of showing expression and emotion through the movements we can create. Some are blessed with these special powers to help other feel and experience something like never before. I as a dancer have been able to feel the joy my dancing can bring myself and others as well.

Whenever I feel down or upset I need to connect to my music and move. When I am dancing I feel that all of the weight is lifted off me and I am able to think and breath. The emotions that can overwhelm someone is amazing. The music in combination with movement creates a story that others can follow and perceive what we are experiencing. I dance like no one is around even when their is a crowd. The security that comes over me is inspiring and makes me want to spread my feelings all around. Dance is like a blank canvas and we are the paint. With every step we are changing the colors and creating the outline for others to view.

As I have grown up I have matured through my dancing styles and created a closer bond to what I can feel when dancing. I am now an instructor at a studio with my Director from when I was a little girl. The feeling of now being able to give other aspiring dancers their dream is overwhelming. I feel so rewarded whenever I watch my girls preforming and see the smiles on their faces. Just today when I was coaching the girls learned some new tricks and they were so enthused that they could themselves be so expressive. I was overjoyed to see them excited to show their families the new tricks they learned. Learning to dance is like being a baby bird hungry for the worm. It is dangling right in front of you and you can almost grab it.

Finally dancing is the world. It spins my universe and keeps me going. I feel inspiration and motivation to continue on with all of my goals in life. The feeling that overcomes is so unreal no one can experience the same things that I have. We all need that little step in our lives to push us through and make us believe anything is possible. Dancing is my answer. I will never stop no matter how old I get. Whenever their is music their is dance. Wherever their is dance their is me. Wherever I am their will be an experience of a lifetime. Live.Love.Dance.

Advertisment evaluation

Nike advertisements are victorious for persuading people to buy their products to increase their sports experiences. While searching for the perfect ad to show to our class I cam across this Nike ad and made a few notes.
-Having the writing high lighted in the white does a great job of drawing the eyes toward the meaning
-The use of the dark background makes viewers really focus on the images
-By using the blurred vision of the man beginning to run it makes us see his speed as he is taking off
-By saying I am the bullet in the chamber is making people believe that by wearing Nike you can become that fast.
-The advertisement assumes that we all know what they are discussing and that the power behind a bullet is limitless
-Pathos is used within this ad by provoking emotions about this man loosing his legs but now continuing on and fighting past adversity
-At first you don't notice but the man has no legs and is still being fast like a bullet
-By having a impaired man running as fast as a bullet it is showing that he has overcome his ailment by wearing Nike and they have helped him continue running
-The overall message of the Nike ad is to show that no matter what comes at you in life you can overcome it by wearing Nikes products
-The phrase just do it is creating the ideas to continue through the adversities of life and become the best you can b by wearing their products

Social Media is killing the romance

The idea of having a technologically inclined society is beginning to create social problems around the world. Many are experiencing their own issues associated with the harsh reality of our new universe that has come to be. We now have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Texting, and the infamous phone call. With these new communications we can violate and interrogate any way we please. It is creating social boundaries and causing distractions to high school students. Communication is now altered by technology.

Ashton Kutcher has wrote a hard hitting article based on the facts presented by our new world surrounding us. “Has Texting Killed Romance” sums up the issue before you even get past the title. Now commentators may say he is trying to promote his new movie which was airing about an electronic relationship, but you have to look at it from another view. Ashton is in the era to view both sides of the argument. He was born before the explosion of technology and is now experiencing the issues first hand. The ideas of walking up to a pretty girl and exchanging phone numbers while you nervously await the call is over. Now we text and never know the true emotion of the situation. Kutcher wrote “Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano.” Cyrano is known for his role as the romantic that helps out the other with what to say to who they long for. In today’s generation we can show and send anything to anyone so we ask our friend opinions before responding. We can overanalyze a period or exclamation point. This leads to many new issues to arise within the situation.

The ideas of society have changed so much that we now are altered by the ideals of this “Smart” technology. Communication is a face to face conversation and discussion, not meant to be shown to the world. Many are now afraid to talk in person and even worse on the phone. If you cannot communicate and hear voice inflections and more you are lost. Technology has worked into our lives and is altering the traditional ways to start a conversation let alone a relationship.

Today you can find and invade anyone’s life at any time of the day. It is altering our perceptions to build a relationship by meeting in person. Even if you do meet in person you trade number to do what? Text. The conversations consisting of “Yeah, what’s up and hey” take away any emotional connection you may have. It is a known fact that hearing someone else’s voice can bring you closer and have a better conversation. The emotions someone portrays to you are forever lost by the new form of communication with one another. We would like to enjoy the company we can give and ramble forever not get clipped text messages to one another.

Our generation we are in can make a change. We just need to say that we are going to revert into old traditions and not let technology let emotional connections go out of the window. Electronic intimacy is not the way to approach relationships in this era. We are leading to more cheating, more divorce, and heart break. Today make the vow to still communicate with others and build a connection.

 

“There is no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.”- Ashton Kutcher

Rambling from a broken heart

Why did you have to do this to me? You made promises and memories were left abandoned. I am now haunted by the thing you did and am so hurt. Why would you do this to me? Why did you choose to leave and not stay here for me? Did you not consider how this would affect anyone but you? God you should’ve thought this through. I now am left without you and am broken apart. Did you not love me enough to stay around? You were there to support me and see me preform. We bonded over show choir which now will haunt me every time I sing. I break down crying with the last thought I have of you in your casket. I now always wake up frightened at night imagining the pain you felt. I wonder what you thought of. Did you think of me? Do you miss me? Was it really worth loosing your whole family?

I want you back. I want you to love me and not let me go. I want you to have thought this through and not walked away from the ones you loved. You were swayed by someone who didn’t even care. You were used and manipulated. You didn’t even get a chance to see me grow up. You don’t get to see me get married and have my children. Kaleigh was only seven. You left behind you children and grandkids. We all were here for you and were looking forward to the future with you. Please tell me why you did it. It hurts me so bad and I wish the pain would go away and you would come back. That I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain anymore.

Nightmares you just cant shake

Have you ever experienced the feeling or being caught in a nightmare and never being able to wake up? Yeah, I’m talking about the one where you’re being chased but can’t run fast enough.  I feel like I have been stuck inside a nightmare and I can never wake up. I have been running and just cannot make it away and once I feel I am in safety yet another person comes running after me. All that I’m looking for is some safety to protect me from the darkness that is coming around me. I don’t even know what is reality anymore. I need to be able to feel like myself again. My life is consumed with more sorrow that is like an ocean. It will come crashing against me and then recede, to all of the sudden come crashing again.

I want to be able to breathe again, to dream again, and I want to never feel pain. I want god to understand I have suffered enough and I need some comfort in knowing I will not loose anyone else. I want my family to be intact, I want to love like no one had loved, and I want to be loved like I am all that is left. I need an escape from the pain and turmoil I can never seem to overcome. The idea of me having a calm and tranquil life is not possible. I want to be able to have back the ones I have lost and I would give anything for them to be back.

I am standing at a cross road and I need to have the train finish its long journey so that the bridges will rise and I can cross through. Throughout these times I have been faced with triumphs and tribulations but I am not going to fall. I am going to live on. I am going to live on knowing I am a part of the legacy that the ones I have lost were a part of. I will not break I will be strong. I am here to help them see that I will be okay. I am here to let them see that I can stand strong and carry on. I know I may break down and be sad but they wouldn’t want that. They want their love to pour out through me and let others be touched by me. They did not intend to harm me even though they did. I will always love them no matter what and let’s hope in the morning the nightmare will finally be over.

Evil is near

                Evil is surrounding us. The working of the devil had consumed people inside our world. They have taken loved ones and stolen their money. Families are being put in turmoil because some people are too selfish and cursed that they will do anything that they need to get what they want. The idea of people brainwashing and messing with someone’s emotions is so greedy and selfish that it makes me sick. We all need to acknowledge the problems we are faced with and expel these people we are being faced with. They are turning human beings into the non-living and they are now not able to continue on living with the people they love. They are stolen from our arms and we cannot do anything but deal with the aftermath.

                The one message I have to say is that the evil will get what they deserve and karma is a bitch. The evil that deprive people of family member that they loved and had much more time to spend with them will rot in hell. I hope they have a horrendous death and will lose everything they love. They should be threatened the death penalty and never be allowed any mercy. The idea that someone can steal the one you love and never have them back is horrid. Yet they can continue living and never have another worry in their life. I hope that they never see the daylight again and will never be able to breathe another breath.

                I was robbed the life of someone I loved because of this evil. I am now not able to see him, hug him, and have him see me do my activities I love. I am forever without a part of who meant so much. He will never breathe again and will never say my name. I will never get a phone call or a text. He always liked my Facebook posts and that will never be there anymore. All I want is for them to pay and me to have him back. The cruel reality of it is it wont happen. No matter how much wishing or praying he is forever gone. I lost a family member and he will never be back.

Death

The idea of death is the most evil thing ever created. It can destroy family’s, hurt people, and rob yourself of time with a loved one. I know this feeling very well. I have been robbed so many times of opportunities I had to spend with family members that it is so unfair. I just begin to ponder the idea of why god ever created the idea of death. No one knows what actually occurs when death comes around and we have no idea of what happens in this so called afterlife. I wish I could stop all of the feelings that come rushing along with the lose of someone we love.

I had my grandpa stolen from me last Tuesday night. He was so young and I had so many promises to still fulfill with him. He was an amazing, smart and caring man. His grandchildren ment the world to him and he would do anything to help us out. He always had the best humor and could always make us laugh. My grandpa was not always there but that was not his fault. He was stolen from me and robbed me of the time that I had left. Whenever I had time to be with him he always made it memorable for us though. Then that one call comes when you realize that they are gone. You don’t even know what to think and to fathom life without them.

As I was hit with this overwhelming thought of never talking to my grandpa again I started to hate myself. Their were always those calls that I didn’t want to answer because he would talk forever, or not go over and visit because we wouldn’t leave for hours. I would instantly take those precious hours and minutes back to be with him now. Once they are gone you realize all of your flaws and want to take them back but the worst part is you cant. Their were things I had never confessed to that now he will never know or he will never experience. We had promises made that were going to occur that never are going to happen. I just wish I could have my grandpa back and talk to him one more time. I would love to just hug him again, have him come watch me cheer, or see me preform in Happiness.

You never know when you are going to loose someone you love and you need to respect every precious moment that you have. Grandpa I will love you forever and always keep you in my thoughts. Rest In Peace, Larry Joseph Topinka.

Harlem Shaking up the world

The ideas of the Harlem Shake have been intruding our culture recently. Everyone is entertained by the comical styles of others we may know. Recently DanceNation the studio I coach at had the instructors create a Harlem Shake video. All of our students loved it because they had seen previous ones and now are enthralled with the idea of seeing their advisors do the same. We now are known as the even cooler instructors because we can rock out and show how we can rock out for some good ol fun. WE now are plastered all over YouTube with the ideas of watching us “Shake.”

This past week I have seen the teachers of Kennedy high school create a Harlem Shake that was posted for us to view. The full one will be coming in the spring term assembly. It is cool to see the staff transform into a new person and enjoy themselves. We all do have the ideas of teachers being locked up in their rooms, and never leave the school. It is nice that they are showing how they can kick back and entertain the school.

I am now overcome with the idea of Harlem Shake. Is it a good idea or is it the time consuming ideas of many who they have come to have them created. Yes they do look like fun but aren’t the whole ideas getting old for some? We see them everywhere and to the same song over and over. For what? The pure satisfactions of seeing others make fools out of themselves.

It is funny to see the trends that have come from old to new. The Harlem Shake was actually a dance move a few years ago and now it has come back to have everyone enthused. Whoever created the idea of a Harlem Shake we all bow down to the hours of entertainment you have provided. From now on the Harlem Shakes will be viewed forever and now are impossible to remove. The shake has hit a high like “Bieber fever” and will be here to stay. As more continue to make fools out of themselves we will continue to laugh as they do. I am forever inclined in the era of the Harlem Shake, Amen! In the end one saying comes to mind. Hey we only live once right? Let Harlem Shakes live on forever!