Death can be gods welcoming call to heaven

When you lose someone it is such a tragic and devastating idea. You feel as you have just disappeared and you cannot be seen by anyone around you. Isolated, cold, and frozen in place. Your mind just ran straight off the track and into a cliff. This whole instance hit home for me on November 26 this year.

November 26^th is the anniversary of my grandfather’s death last year. All day I could only think of him and all the memories that we had together. He was a very influential aspect in my life. He was always there with his loud laugh to keep me on track and feeling okay. He would make the funniest jokes and have a smile on his face. As he grew older he was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. The disease consumed him but he still remembered me. I was one of the only memories he could hold onto. He could recall when we raced as a family at Hawkeye Downs and would win the rookie of the year. He recalled anything involving his cars too. We used to ride around in his limo all of the time when I was a little kid when he could drive.

When time went on he became worse and god decided it was time to take him to heaven with him. I woke up on a Saturday. November 26^th to be exact, to my mother crying. I knew it had happened and that the time had come for him to go. I knew it was okay and that he wouldn’t suffer anymore. I looked up and laughed imagining all of the time we had spent together and that he will be an amazing addition to heaven. He has now been welcoming everyone to the gates of heaven with a smile and hello.

November 26^th now is the anniversary of Drew Walls death. On the day god took my grandpa he gained Drew too. I heard the news as my night was ending and it was very sad to hear. In my heart I knew he was not suffering anymore like my grandfather was not anymore.  Drew had a good fight and now is freed of all burdens to be a kid. As I thought of the time I knew that my grandpa was standing at the gates to heaven with his cheesy smile saying welcome. He would ask him all about his life and would tell him about me.

I know throughout these unfortunate events they will learn to be friends and my angels in heaven watching me every day.

What the hell is lifes purpose?

Life can me an amazing adventure with twist and turns but you come to one point in your life when you ask the question “Why are we here? And what is our purpose in life?” I have found myself to recently be pondering this question quite frequently.

Why was I placed on this earth when I am set up to be let down. When I was a little girl I dreamed of a life full of roses and happily ever afters and after my seventeen years I have finally learned those are very rare. In middle school I was put the the most hell anyone could be put through. I was bullied and pushed around for so long and never stood up for myself. They took everything from me. At the time I lost all of my friends and felt so alone. I thought I could never get over the pain I had experienced. I would fear my safety at school and cry myself to sleep. No teachers would believe me and what I was going through. I was harassed and embarresed for too long. Only my parents were there to support me. My eight grade year I had to transfer school and start all over.

My freshman year I was put into the hospital on May 31, 2010. I spontaneously could not walk and had a major fever. I was so sick and they couldn’t figure it out. I missed finals and spent my summer in and out of hospitals. I was in the hospital for two weeks and was released with a walker because I could not walk. Just imagine the pain of one day not being able to support yourself and have your whole life be turned upside down. I have had every test known to man conducted on me trying to get answers on the mystery. I gradually through therapy could work my way to crutches and then walking.

I was diagnosed with EDS a genetic disorder in which your muscles are hypermobile so you can be injured very easily. I also have an auto-immune disorder where I became sick and then my immune system did not shut back off and now it continuously attacks my body. I now am full of medications and doctors appointments. I am told to quit everything I love and stop my life. Freeze everything.

On top of that I find out that I have an aunt who also has EDS and other illnesses. She had been an amazing person to talk too. She inspires me to keep on believing in anything and that I can be an awesome person. I wish I could meet her and enjoy her company. It proves to me that I can become an adult and still come out alright.

I wish that out of all the bad I could find the good. See the light at the end of the tunnel and know what is my purpose. In life comes struggles and with struggles comes adversity, we can overcome it all to see the greater good in people.

Sorry for my ranting life story.. hope you enjoyed.