Summer

It is so hot out! I cannot stand to be outdoors when I have the sweat dripping off my body and making me pant like a dog. As I was outside today I realized that the idea behind the summer is actually brutal. We wait all year for this time of fun in the sun to arrive, but for what? To sweat for hours and crave a good drink. Then we go inside too hot to take a shower because the water is warm and so the list goes on and on.

Honestly I feel very bad for the animals in our world. They are outside continuously in the extreme conditions with no escape to the cool air inside. On top of the heat they are covered in fur in which they cannot cool down but lock in the warmth. They run around all day trying to find some cooling shelter in which they normally cannot succeed in until it is night. The beaming sun looking all amazing as we believe it does is actually  breaking us down so we cannot function.

The sun can be compared to the angel and devil on your shoulder. On one hand it is fantastic to be outside, it leads to no school, and it makes everyone genuinely happier. Along with that comes the bad side, sweating, overheated, house work, and babysitting. So why do we not long for winter or fall? We will never know but one thing I can say is summer bring it on!

Afterlife?

Life, Evolution, and our known existence are questions I am always pondering in my mind. When we think of the difference between life and death we have no clue what is actuality of what is in a figment of our imagination. When the idea of evolution is actually questioned we are lacking many answers about our world.

Many believe that once we die we are lead into another life in which we will live. Our minds are erased and we have no idea of what we have previously been through. Now are reborn into a world in which we take on a new role as someone else. So the body disappears and the memories lead to heaven and the spirit transfers over. Do you ever see a baby that is born and they have many same characteristics as a passed family member? Or they look the exact same as someone who has passed. This raises the question of are they continuing around the cycle and it really is them.

When someone dies they supposedly see the light and move towards it. AS moving toward the light we could take this experience like the birth of a child. Maybe you die and are instantly born again as another. We see the light and as a baby is born they come out of a dark place to see the light. So maybe, just maybe we still do have them around us. Along with seeing the light, memories flash before your eyes and see your past. Maybe as memories flash this is us remembering one last time and then our minds are cleared. No more memories until we recreate a new life

Whenever you actually sit down and analyze the ideas of life you become completely baffled. Are we all in a cycle? Do we consistently morph into something else that we will now become? It is an answer we will never be able to fathom the answer. We cannot experience the ideas of life vs. death until it is too late to comprehend. If only there was a way to learn and experience this and then relay the information. Dying is a horrid sensation to begin to think of and I do not want to be anywhere nears it. I can be perfectly fine with the outstanding amount of questions that still consume my mind.  Maybe we are all dreamers and are actually not living at all, we will never know.

Crime is pride

               

Think: all men make mistakes

But a good man yeilds when he

Knows his course is wrong,

And repairs the evil: The only

Crime is pride.

As I read through the expert shown above I get this overwhelming sense of depth behind the author’s purpose. On the surface it seems a commonly confusing statement that is normally made within poetry. I begin to then re-read the excerpt and something catches my eye. The purpose is being shown as the idea of personality. All humans make mistakes and you could say we “repair the evil” so we can continue on from the issue. The final line is where it hits me; they say that “the only crime is pride.”

                Pride; the state or feeling of being proud. When we all think of the word we instantly think of different experiences involving our sense of pride. In elementary school we are told to have pride in our country. We need to support our country and show how proud we are to be Americans. Pride is a characteristic many strive to achieve within a lifetime. As reading the poem we then are told that when we are involved in evil our only crime is pride. Granted we all do make mistakes but the logic or theory behind them but pride is nowhere near the ideals of evil.

                Throughout life I have made some mistakes, being the teenager I am. Throughout this time I have as Antigone has stated “yields” when I knew my course was wrong. Once a person has realized their mistakes they do try and “repair the evil”, depending on how severer the mistake may be. When committing mistakes never once did they relate back to idea of pride. The thought of the word itself makes me think in a positive manner.  I have been raised to think of myself and my family with pride. Along with my family I need to take pride in my country. If pride committed all evils in the world we would never be encouraged to be full of pride.

                On the opposite spectrum some have changed the meaning behind having pride. There is a fine line between having pride and being cocky with oneself. Some feel they partake in certain activities due to the feeling of so called pride in themselves to participate in them. Due to the lack of intelligence these people contain the thought of pride is swayed. For example, recently when the Boston Marathon Bombings occurred many wondered what their motivation was to harm so many innocent people. One man once caught alive was said to have said that he attacked the United States because he had so much pride in his home country to come attack us. It is completely logical to have pride in your country but to then go and attack another nation is taking it to another level.

                So in the end maybe pride can lead to overall conflict and crime. Maybe if we did not have so much pride in what we believe in we would avoid catastrophes. The definition of pride will be continuously changing until the world stops revolving around the sun. We cannot control the outcome but we can fix our evils and reduce our crime. The current definition still rains true to me. The idea of having pride in something you believe in is not evil.

Physical Therapy.. nahh

Along with my illness problems I attend physical therapy to prevent breakdown of my body in the future. Now when I go to the physical therapist I have great intentions of trying to improve my strength and follow their instructions. One problem still lies ahead, they are boring and seem pointless.

Last night my mom reminds me of an appointment in Iowa City. I figured it was one of my follow up appointments for another problem I have due to Ehler Danlos Syndrome. No this appointment had to be for my physical therapist. I instantly go running into my room and grab my exercise list. Whenever I have a follow up they check to see my progress. These exercises haven’t been touched since the day I got them!

My therapist can limit my activity for sustainable living. Earlier this year he suspended me from cheerleading because I wasn’t strong enough to perform. Today is the appointment to see if he will take off my restrictions so I can participate in activities. My mouth literally dropped to the floor when my mom told my where I was going. I need to find a quick solution to my problem. This solution needed to occur in twelve hours as well.

Solution #1) I quickly review them so I know what is happening and I can bull shit my way through the meeting. This will then make Mike think I have been completing them and I will be cleared.

Solution #2) I tell him the truth and pray to god he will release me. I mean honesty is the best policy isn’t it?

As I ponder my options I tell my mother. She breaks the news that she will tell him no matter what so I then begin to beg her to not tell him. Whats my next move? Bribe her of course! So I promised to buy her a peanut buster parfait for her tomorrow, with my own money. Did she fall for it? Hell no… I have looped holed the best I can (might I say I do it very well). So fingers crossed I can trick my therapist and he isn’t reading my blog right now… opppss (Hi Mike)

Ehler Danlos Syndrome

At the end of my freshman year I fell very ill and could not walk. I was confined to a hospital bed and could not move around on my own. As this was all occurring we had no idea what was happening. The summer was exhausting learning to walk again beginning with a walker, then crutches, and finally on my own again. No one will know how much we depend on our body until you lose something we need every day to function. The journey was painful but I am happy to say that I can now walk on my own again.

Along with the issues of learning to walk again came the new tests and treatment solutions while we wait to figure out what my ailments were. I started taking medicines to block the pain messengers sent to my brain so that I could not feel the pain I had anymore. That led me to some personality changes that we all did not agree with so I stopped taking it. Since then I have continued to experience pain so we have tried new combinations. I currently take nine medications daily to protect me and make me feel better enough to function in daily life. They consist of stomach medicines, pain blockers, personality medicines, allergy pills, and all different types of vitamins.

We had to wait almost three long years to figure out a diagnosis for my illness. During this timeframe I have been through many tests. I have donated over 5 gallons of blood to be tested, spinal taps, stomach scopes, x-rays, ultrasounds, and many others. I have attended University of Iowa hospitals and MAYO clinics in Minnesota for treatment. At U of I I was diagnosed with chronic pain syndrome but this was not the answer to all of my problems. Once this one piece of the puzzle was figured out I started going to a physical therapist. He evaluated me and diagnosed me on the spot. He said you have Ehler Danlos Syndrome. We were then sent to have tests done and I was confirmed with the disease.

Ehler Danlos Syndrome is a rare genetic disease that gets passed down to offspring. It makes your immune system attack itself and begins to break down the body. I found out I had type 3 which was a blessing for me. If you get type 2 you can have the vascular complications where I don’t. I do not produce enough collagen that is needed for a healthy body. So I am extra flexible and can easily make my joints pop out of place. I am more susceptible to breaks and bruises, scars don’t disappear, and other complications. Along with these issues I get fatigued very easily so I have to manage my amount of activity in which I preform in.

I can continue living for right now but in the end I will need to re evaluate my life because the older you get the more my body will break down and stop working.

Family!

Family, a single word that can pack a punch behind it. It can mean the difference between succeeding and failing. They show you love and affection no matter what sins we commit, or the problems we face. We can always have someone to fall back on in a time of need and that is when you need them the most. Without my family I would not be the person I have grown to be.

My mother means the world to me. She has experienced things no one can imagine but is still as strong as anyone can be. Whenever I am faced with a problem she is there to pull me through. She is the protector and will not let anyone harm her young. Mama bear is not afraid to come out if someone messes with her babies. Even though I may not like it she is not afraid to tell me no, especially when I hated her for it. She has the kindest heart and will help anyone in need. She tries to provide all she can for her family so we can have the best life possible. I feel that I cannot have a better mother ever. She is selfless, caring, loving, and can still be authoritative. I can truly say she is my best friend and I feel comfortable to tell her anything even if she won’t like to hear it.

My little sister is the biggest goof ball you will ever meet. She has the humor that will never die down. I can never have a dull moment when my little sis is around. Even though she does get on my nerves I still love her. I love watching her grow and admire the things I do. I can see the admiration in her eyes as she tries to copy what I do. She has already matured far past her level a seven year old should be at and I am happy to take the responsibility for that. Along with being funny, she had the most tender heart you can ever meet. She can rub your back when your crying, or give you the warmest heart to cheer you up. I cannot wait until she grows up and I can see what she will blossom into.

My dad is my twin. I am a carbon copy that was made into a female instead of a male. He has the best humor around and is passionate about whatever he gets into. He will not quit until he has reached his goal he has set to accomplish. We both are very loud and not afraid to speak our minds. If we have a problem with you we will let you know what we are feeling. Granted, sometimes that is bad but sometimes it is needed. Without my dad I would not be the loud, outgoing, crazy girl I am today.

High school is ending

The idea of growing up is finally sinking in. We all look forward to the idea of maturing and becoming an adult. When were little we all tunnel vision for the idea of being in high school which is made out to be the best days of your life. Supposedly filled with friends, boyfriends, dances, parties, and endless fun. As I am now about to close the book to my high school era it is making me see the sadness that I rushed into being in high school when I shouldn’t have.

Last week I sang for my last tryout ever to be in show choir. I have been under the insane pressure of trying out since I was in third grade. Every year brings along new emotions and worries.  As I finished singing my patriotic song I could breath and be proud of the voice I have become. Walking out of the choir room I felt and overwhelming sense of pride over what I have accomplished. Then as I see my best friend throughout show choir I began to feel sad. We both hit the realization that this is ending.

In the coming week I will be auditioning to be a returning varsity cheerleader. When I started high school that was all I wanted to do. I have achieved my goals and now know I will never do anything like this ever again. The golden days are ending and it is paying its toll on me. I am excited to be the senior who is on top of the so called “high school pyramid” but on the other hand that means you’ve reached the final stretch. I am about to cross the finish line of my high school career.

I have hit the wall of reality as well knowing that I now am going to have to be self-sufficient. I will be graduating high school and now venturing into college, a new world where you will float or sink. I need to keep a strong head on my shoulders and not let myself fall into peer pressure. I cannot crumble I need to rise above.  I am beginning to see my life flash before my eyes and now wish I would have taken the chance to value the little things in life while I could when I was little. One day they will be gone and I will wish I could take it all back and redo it. Cherish the moment you have because they will soon be gone.