Being sick sucks..

That one morning when you’re alarm goes off and you just can’t get out of bed. I had that day and it was not fun. I had the sore throat and cough that I couldn’t get over. My body was hurting and I let the alarm ring on because I was too sore to get out of bed. Instead of being enthused that I get to have a day off and stay at home I have worried thoughts rush into my mind. I have so much school work I will have to make up in this one day missed and getting ready for tests. I am also missing show choir and I am now going to have to make up choreography,

I go to the doctor and then find out I have to stay at home until I can be fever free for 48 hours and can function. This sucks @$$ what am I going to do! You can email your teachers to get work but you still can never fully get the teaching you would get in school. So now I will be way more behind than all of the other kids. I also start thinking of all the secret Santa things I need to get done and all the parties I am going to miss. My brain is on overload.

I think back to the elementary school days when I would get sick and then wouldn’t have to worry about making up school. I could lay in bed and watch tv and play games while my mom would take care of me. I could lounge around for days upon days and the school didn’t mind. Those were the days of chicken noodle soup and ice cream all day long. My grandma would come over and bring me activities to do and snuggle all day.

We all end up growing up and now we realize the joys of growing up. We can’t enjoy those little sick days we have to fight through them. Many kids at my age come to school even when they are super sick just to not miss the work. I am sure this is how I ended up getting sick because others didn’t want to miss the work either. I would say that in high school we should be cut some slack by our teachers for being sick because it does happen and we all cannot help it.

Best friends!

Being alone in the world is the single most agonizing pain anyone can experience. Granted many don’t have this problem but some do. Not being alone but without a best friend is the second most agonizing pain to encounter. Lucky for me I have the best friend any girl could ever have.

Having a best friend is like having another part of your being. They know everything about you and can understand what you’re thinking. When you have a problem they are there to listen, when you cry they will comfort you, and no matter what they will be there right next to you. They are close enough to you to know everything and support you but yet distant enough to not get sick of. You may fight but always know you will eventually be back together. When you fight or don’t speak it’s normally a mild miscommunication that can be handled. They have the best intentions for you and will try and stop you from making stupid mistakes. If anyone says anything about you they will stand up and say the truth. Even at times when you make a mistake and they are there to comfort you.

If you’ve known them since middle school or met in high school the fact of it is as long as you have someone by your side and you are close nothing else matters. You can have inside jokes no one gets, wear matching outfits, and have code names for people. You guys can be crazy and wild in the most awkward situations. That friend is there to hold your hand when you cry and offer to help make your makeup look better when you’ve been crying and look like a raccoon.

These friends are there to have long car rides down First Avenue and get looked at by all the “thugs” in the hood. They are into the same bands as you and you make a CD for the car just when you two are alone. You have deep conversations and hit each other with steak when needed. You don’t need to say names when talking you can communicate without it. They know your clothes and help advise you on outfits; sometimes they go to your house and take your clothes. That doesn’t even concern you because you know you will get it back.

These friends can know you when you had braces and were as skinny as a string bean. This friend is constantly called your twin and sometimes confused with you at school. Your always mirrors in show choir because you fit well together and match perfect. You can interact well and have big plans for when you’re older. You can shake you are so mad at them but in the end feel better about them. Everyone knows you as inseparable and when you make a mistake that puts that in jeopardy you realize the mistake. When your friend will pull you aside and talk it out you know their your friend because they still care. Finally, in AP Lang when your typing this and your friend is gone and you got moved because we were going to be a problemJ

Best friends are the world and without them the world would not spin. You would be lost and alone. Men may come and go but friends always stay. I love you guys <3

You will live on forever.. that's a promise i shall keep.

Drew Wall may be the single most inspirational person I have ever known.  I met him when I was in the first grade. He was the cute little kindergarten that we all wanted to play with. He was then just a normal elementary school child that blended in until his fifth grade year. He came back to school in a wheelchair and missing his hair. We all didn’t know what to say or think. As we came to terms with the idea of Drew without a leg we realized he is still the same person. Actually, he was a much stronger person. We continued growing up and I went to middle school and Drew slipped from my memory.

It was eight grade and I remember coming into the foyer of the school and drew would be sitting on the bench with his cargo shorts and fake leg saying hi to everyone who came in. I cannot shake this memory of Drew out of my head. Our school would have cancer benefits and many would go and we all knew of his situation but he survived and was going to be okay. Another time comes rolling around when Drew slipped from my memory.

Sophomore year I see a familiar kid walking up the stairs. It was Drew! He was doing great and still being proud of his leg. We said hi and continued on our ways for the day. I would see him every once in a while and give the casual wave but that was pretty much it. About a month ago I stopped and talked with Drew. We talked about how to stay strong and fight through anything in life. Later on in the month I was at University of Iowa hospitals for an appointment and I saw him. He was in a wheelchair with his mom pushing behind him. I see him and wave and he waves back. I was running late to an appointment so I didn’t stop to talk. I regret every day that I didn’t.

The next week I find out that he had passed away. I instantly break down. I have known this kid since I was seven and that one day that was my last chance to talk to him I didn’t stop to talk. I was consumed with the idea of helping him live on and to show everyone that it shouldn’t take a tragedy to see what we all need to bring us together.

Happiness got invited to sing at Drew’s funeral and that was one of the most moving things I have ever experienced. He made sure that everyone knew he wanted to show that we should care for each other and not morn over his loss of life. His favorite bible quote has stuck in my mind and will never leave. I vow to you Andrew Douglas Wall that you will never be forgotten and will always be remembered in my heart and many others for as long as we shall live.

Joshua 1:9- Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the lord your god will be with you wherever you go.

Life is the pursuit of happiness

Throughout life we are all categorized as going after one thing, the pursuit of happiness. We all want that eternal bliss we all hear about and so longingly want. The problem is that there is no key to getting to fulfill our happiness. When we are born we don’t get the handbook with what to do. So we live everyday trying to figure out the best way to feel the thing we most need, our happiness and eternal bliss.

On our long journey that will continue for decades we make choices take risks and make sacrifices. We have heartbreaks and loose ones we love the most. We do all of these things for the thrill and the feeling of belonging and “happiness.” I believe that many never reach the end of their journey and die without the fulfillment that we all need.

There comes a time in your life when you realize your actions, know who you are, and see what your future could be. Once this moment in time hits we know it is time to take action and make decisions. You need the love like no other, and live every breath like it’s your last! Spend time with the ones you love before they one day are gone. When you are alone take time to cry and let your emotions go. Listen to love songs and watch romance movies to feel that superficial thing Hollywood calls love. We need a handbook, or some sort of answer to the longing question. I am determined to find that answer.

I am going to change my ways. Change my life so that I can find that eternal bliss. I am going to love like no other and cherish every moment of it. Everyone deserves to be loved, and be kissed every day and every minute of their life. We deserve to have someone longingly look into your eyes and see your forgiveness and truth, let them see how much you care. We want that smile on your face when they text us or give you a compliment. That’s what we all need, and we can all succeed and make it to the next step in life by changing our lives.

I ask all of you who are reading this to change your ways. Live everyday like it’s you last, make all of your memories survive and change impressions that have become pressed upon you. Care for others to full potential and make sure everyone feels like a human. Overall life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Christmas time!

Twenty three days. That’s the official countdown until Christmas is here. This whole year I feel is flying by and its almost over. Whenever I hit Christmas time frame I know it’s time to be happy! We get to end first term with a break, come back to school and have a half day, then leave for Christmas!

I feel the time of Christmas just brings everyone together. People cares more, give more, and love more. We all feel the need to be there for others. The memories start flowing back and traditions are brought back up. These are the best memories that will stay around for the rest of your life.

Every year at the beginning of December we put up the Christmas tree for a day. Drinking hot chocolate, and singing Christmas songs. Ever since I was a little girl we always play the Cheetalishous Christmas CD and I know all the songs by heart. My sister wears the Christmas tree skirt around her waist and we wear Santa hats. My dad brings up the million boxes of Christmas stuff and mom gives the lecture of not making the house look like Santa threw up on it. As we are getting ready for the day of fun we can smell sugar cookies in the oven.

Once the tree is assembled we pull out all of the ornaments we put on and remember all of the memories we have had with them. Some funny and some sad but it is still a great time to have together with the family. We sit in a circle and lay them out. Finally it is time to put them on. We all argue about where to put them because I want mine on the top and so does my sister. (I always win  though because she is so short)

Once the tree is finished we have the most beautiful angel tree topper to put on. I picked it out when I was a little girl and I have always placed it on the tree. My mom would lift me up so I could reach and as I got older I could stand on the side of the couch and place it on. This year was the first year that my sister was old enough to comprehend that i was putting the tree topper on. We got into a huge fight that ended in laughter and we now have to alternate years of putting it on the tree. Even though we argue about where we put ornaments or tree toppers I still remember every memory with my family at this time of year.

Death can be gods welcoming call to heaven

When you lose someone it is such a tragic and devastating idea. You feel as you have just disappeared and you cannot be seen by anyone around you. Isolated, cold, and frozen in place. Your mind just ran straight off the track and into a cliff. This whole instance hit home for me on November 26 this year.

November 26^th is the anniversary of my grandfather’s death last year. All day I could only think of him and all the memories that we had together. He was a very influential aspect in my life. He was always there with his loud laugh to keep me on track and feeling okay. He would make the funniest jokes and have a smile on his face. As he grew older he was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. The disease consumed him but he still remembered me. I was one of the only memories he could hold onto. He could recall when we raced as a family at Hawkeye Downs and would win the rookie of the year. He recalled anything involving his cars too. We used to ride around in his limo all of the time when I was a little kid when he could drive.

When time went on he became worse and god decided it was time to take him to heaven with him. I woke up on a Saturday. November 26^th to be exact, to my mother crying. I knew it had happened and that the time had come for him to go. I knew it was okay and that he wouldn’t suffer anymore. I looked up and laughed imagining all of the time we had spent together and that he will be an amazing addition to heaven. He has now been welcoming everyone to the gates of heaven with a smile and hello.

November 26^th now is the anniversary of Drew Walls death. On the day god took my grandpa he gained Drew too. I heard the news as my night was ending and it was very sad to hear. In my heart I knew he was not suffering anymore like my grandfather was not anymore.  Drew had a good fight and now is freed of all burdens to be a kid. As I thought of the time I knew that my grandpa was standing at the gates to heaven with his cheesy smile saying welcome. He would ask him all about his life and would tell him about me.

I know throughout these unfortunate events they will learn to be friends and my angels in heaven watching me every day.

What the hell is lifes purpose?

Life can me an amazing adventure with twist and turns but you come to one point in your life when you ask the question “Why are we here? And what is our purpose in life?” I have found myself to recently be pondering this question quite frequently.

Why was I placed on this earth when I am set up to be let down. When I was a little girl I dreamed of a life full of roses and happily ever afters and after my seventeen years I have finally learned those are very rare. In middle school I was put the the most hell anyone could be put through. I was bullied and pushed around for so long and never stood up for myself. They took everything from me. At the time I lost all of my friends and felt so alone. I thought I could never get over the pain I had experienced. I would fear my safety at school and cry myself to sleep. No teachers would believe me and what I was going through. I was harassed and embarresed for too long. Only my parents were there to support me. My eight grade year I had to transfer school and start all over.

My freshman year I was put into the hospital on May 31, 2010. I spontaneously could not walk and had a major fever. I was so sick and they couldn’t figure it out. I missed finals and spent my summer in and out of hospitals. I was in the hospital for two weeks and was released with a walker because I could not walk. Just imagine the pain of one day not being able to support yourself and have your whole life be turned upside down. I have had every test known to man conducted on me trying to get answers on the mystery. I gradually through therapy could work my way to crutches and then walking.

I was diagnosed with EDS a genetic disorder in which your muscles are hypermobile so you can be injured very easily. I also have an auto-immune disorder where I became sick and then my immune system did not shut back off and now it continuously attacks my body. I now am full of medications and doctors appointments. I am told to quit everything I love and stop my life. Freeze everything.

On top of that I find out that I have an aunt who also has EDS and other illnesses. She had been an amazing person to talk too. She inspires me to keep on believing in anything and that I can be an awesome person. I wish I could meet her and enjoy her company. It proves to me that I can become an adult and still come out alright.

I wish that out of all the bad I could find the good. See the light at the end of the tunnel and know what is my purpose. In life comes struggles and with struggles comes adversity, we can overcome it all to see the greater good in people.

Sorry for my ranting life story.. hope you enjoyed.