maybe i am not who you think i am

God gave us life, and our parents mold us into what we should become, but what happens when you feel like you have grown up and that’s not you? Recently I have been looking at my life and realizing that I am not who I think I am.

I was raised as a princess. Not to raise a spoiled brat but as the prize daughter who was an only child who deserved what she gets. I was blessed to get whatever I wanted and be good at everything that I do. I always am up to date with the new in style and dressed to the nines. I am a type a personality who needs everything to fit together and run smooth. I need to have good grades, have everyone like me, look the best and feel in control.

Recently I have been realizing maybe this isn’t me. Maybe I have to high of standards, or I am trying to be to perfect. Well I mean what even is perfection? Who is to say im perfect? I manipulate and pull people close and then hurt them. I am ruining relationships with people who are important to me. Pushing away the ones who I really want and was going for the ones I thought I wanted. Now is the time to change. I need to evaluate and introvert myself to see how I am. Wear sweatpants not always all put together, and maybe get a bad grade, and not make a mistake.

I feel like I am held to such high standards I cannot be the girl that makes mistakes. I need to say what the hell! I am not perfect I am just a human being in this big spinning world. The act needs to disappear and people need to see the real me. The Karlie Keeney I know I am, that girl that may not be who you think.

Hello, im Karlie and I am not who you think I am. I break down inside all of the time. I wear a mask infont of everyone so they don’t see what I feel. I sing love songs all of the time to comfort myself, and blare rap music in my car. I day dream of the world being different. I like sports! Shopping is not all I do. I get good grades just act dumb. Half of my friends are fake. I everyday am slowing breaking myself down by pushing my limits of life while I have an illness. I was bullied in middle school. And if I don’t change to being myself I am slowly killing myself.

On the outside I look like nothing is wrong but on the inside there is a completely different person that no one knows. No one besides a few take a chance to get to know. If only you knew me.

When the leaves fall i fall.

Fall time is known for the beauty of the leaves and the traditions it brings. To me fall signifies being at the top of the world. When I was a little girl every fall season my mom would take me Downtown to get almond bark from a little candy store where she went when she was a little girl too. We would ride around in the car and look at the leaves all through out Ellis Park. Stopping by the water to enjoy our snack we would then continue on to running through the leaves and walking on trails we never knew of.  We would always say that the trees looked like a quilt made up of yellows, oranges, and reds, with a little hint of green. As my mom would say, “When I was  young I would want to stand on top of those trees and touch the sky.”

Yesterday was the beginning of me being back on the top of the world. We get up to the cool morning air, leaving to go run some errands like a typical day. Im not feeling the greatest, had a lot of things on my mind, and was just tired. We stop at Starbucks and I know the day is going to get better. A pumpkin spice latte makes any fall day and to make it better we went to Ellis Park. I felt like a little kid again. Cool breeze, warm drink in hand, and reminiscing on the past like it was the best times of my life. At that instant everything was surrene and okay. No problems, fears, or doubts. It was like I was completely consumed in this perfect universe.

As we are driving along I see a leave fall. I think of myself as a leave, or life as a leave. You mature and grow learning throughout your life. You make close friends and have heart breaks. Overcome challenges and are comforted through the rough ones. You go through all of these hoops to do what? Fall. The leave comes tumbling down, flowing like this was its purpose. The leave matured and grew, and now was dying. Yet seemingly I felt that the leave is content with leaving. He lived through his purpose in life and now is letting another generation blossom to do the same.

What was the leaves purpose? To inspire me, to create memories, and signify peace. In that instant I was transferred back in time, to when the world was different and everything was calm. Showing that I can make it through anything and that everything will be alright. So this fall I climbed to the tops of those trees just like my mother said and I was on top of the world.

Homecoming, good or bad?

Kennedy High School Homecoming. Known for the good DJ and the best times. Well 2012 was a different story. Everyone arrives as normal, takes the same boring pictures with the same boring background. You go to coat check and turn in your things and are ready to dance! I get out on to the dance floor find some friends and start going hard! Now this year we did have some rule changes and what were these rules again? Oh yeah, no hands on the floor and clothes stay on. Okay, everyone should be able to follow that rule. About 30 minutes into dancing the music stops… And then we hear Mr. Johnson’s voice on the sound system. “No bumping and grinding, everyone needs to face their partner.” Say what now! That was not a rule!

Of course all the kids were booing and outraged so what did we all do? Well we grinded facing each other, they said we had to face our partner. Now let’s logically think this through, dancing not facing is your date is okay but we can be body on body facing forwards? This is more like having sex than the other way! Many kids continued to grind facing the supposed wrong way (I included) and began to be kicked out. We were all outraged with the idea that we were following the set rules and now are being kicked out for a stupid reason! My group and I went and got our stuff and were ready to leave when a friend came up and said Dr.W said it was okay to grind, it was not a set rule.

Imagine how many parents would have been outraged if we would have left after they spend money on the dress, hair, tan, makeup, nails, dinner, and pictures to have us leave an hour into the dance! As soon as the news came that we could grind I put my stuff back and was out on the floor. I was going to dance no matter what. We eventually found a group of show choir kids we like to hang out with and we all had a great time! Sweating so hard and fist pumping like crazy! Or taking turns dancing in the middle of the circle. Sometimes it is good to break the rules and have a fun time. As I would say, You only live life once.

Butterflies can change the world

Butterflies, I’m not talking the ones that fly away and are pretty to look at. Im talking the ones you get on roller coasters, when you do something well, or when someone makes you just feel special. All of these can feel amazing and give you a different adrenaline rush and a sense of belonging.

Example one, you’re in class and the guy that your  into is looking at you. It’s one of those intuition things where you don’t need to see it you can feel it. So you turn around and when he sees you looking at him he quickly turns away. You just find it the cutest thing in the world and turn back around and can’t stop smiling! Then the rest of the day all you think about is that moment when he made you smile. As I have said before girls over-analyze any move a guy makes so the guy needs to watch out. So she’s into you and you know it but she’s talking to another guy in class, she’s trying to make you jealous.  She tries super hard to look good just to get a comment from you every day to know that you’re still interested. The major one is jealousy. She loves the guy to be jealous, but hates it when she is.

Example two, you wake up in the morning super early and have no motivation to get ready. Then your phone lights up and you have a new message. You open it and see “good morning.” That’s when your morning turns from okay to great. Then you can’t wait to see them at school. Once you start texting for the day then you don’t want to stop. Even though we all know we can’t text in every class that we have. Whole over-analyzing thing comes into play again. Getting a message with to many periods to a girl means that the guy is bored with the conversation. When he says something sweet, he just made the girls day and she is feeling great. Those complements when the girl gets asked why she’s so smiley are the best to have. In texting the girls most favorite thing is when a guy will call her sweet and affectionate names. When the words babe and cutie come into play they know they have the girl hooked.

Example three, you talk in person and make eye contact. Once you do that you know the guy is into you because he isn’t afraid to look at you. When you can have long discussions and even when there is silence and it’s not awkward is the best. You can just talk on and on and feel so comfortable with the person it’s like you’ve known them forever. Then you start to flirt a little and it makes it even better. The best thing to me as a girl is when the guy isn’t afraid to talk on the phone and will say “hey call me.” It shows that you have good enough communication that it’s okay to hear each others voice and not only text. Then you can hear and convey real emotion that’s going on. Another great thing about talking is if you get along with the guys friends. If the friends like you it’s going to work out. A man can never be without four key things, food, sleep, sexual needs, and his friends. The guy might be into you but the friends aren’t distracted to see the flaws in the girl. So if the friends approve the guy can know that she is okay to date and be with.

The monarchy butterfly is a great analogy to the butterflies in your stomach. They both are beautiful and you can’t live without. Both provide joy and happiness, and lead to great things in life. So go ahead and give someone the butterflies today. Who knows it might bring a little more joy into your day too.

Sisters are awesome!

My sister is a unique human being. She is the youngest in the family but sometimes acts the most mature. She is the loudest but then can be quiet as a mouse. She can take everything in a literal sense or she can have the biggest imagination. Well guess what? I love her anyways and you cant have her!

Kaleigh was born seven years ago. We are ten years apart and I love it! When she came to be I was in awe shock, so excited I nearly peed. Come to think of it maybe I did alittle when I found out, just kidding! J Well anyways she is the best sister you could ever ask for! This munchkin who is so little I would probably say is my best friend.

Last night I got home from showchoir and open the door to find my little sister awaiting me. She said “SISSY SISSY, LOOKIE!” I look down and what do I see but a hole in her mouth. She lost a tooth and is very excited. Which as a kid so was i. Now here comes the most awesome part of the story. She is going to meet the tooth fairy I am told. My mom looks over at me and I look at my sister with a curious look on my face. Shes going to meet the tooth fairy? I never got to do that! That’s impossible I say! Well guess what! Its not! I learned from my sister that it is possible and it will happen! So all night she goes and struts around the house knowing she will meet her and I wont.

Now we do fight, but it is about stupid stuff. More like pointless stuff that doesn’t matter and we always still love eachother! So mother read this to little Kay Mai and let her be proud that she is on a blog! I love you little sissy! (Yes I did just call you sissy you butt! Or should I say lady gaga butt ;)

Rockin the 70's

The 70’s are back! I hear a women say when I was out shopping the other day. I turn around and look to see what she is talking about. Well she was looking at the clothes in all of the stores filling Lindale mall. This random but accurate woman hit the point on the head. Crazy colors and random print is back in style!

This past weekend I went shopping at the mall. As I come up to American Eagle I see these must have jeans. They were purple with rainbow colored leaves on them and I thought they were the bee’s knees as they used to say. As I cruise the store I find even more vivid prints and colors to wear. I find a pair of blue jeans. Not like the denim blue jeans you would wear daily but the jeans were a color of teal blue! Instantly I grabbed them and knew I had to have them. I keep looking at the jeans and see another cool, crazy pattern. They were a tie-dye mix of light and dark wash jeans, to die for! Now, new (but yet old) jean styles may look cool but another thing to debate is, are they practical?

The answer to this obvious question is, depends on the person! Since the vibrant and weird combinations are hitting the style charts nice and high we could say they work. Yes, this is true because it doesn’t matter what you wear with them. From sweaters, tanks, even funky designs it all works. Then for the other side of the fact. Here is a key example, I saw hot pink skinny jeans and wanted them right away. Well neon colors are in for the summer but now its fall, so soon they will go out of style till next spring. Another point to think of is are you adventurous enough to take on the challenge. Are you okay with the bold prints and crazy pants? Are you cool with the mismatching of your outfit? If your answer is a no then don’t waste the money on the new jeans.

Now I’m not saying everyone that is not adventurous shouldn’t wear cool clothes, just tone it down a little. The tie-dye jeans might suit better than my beloved purple feather pants. Once you decide on what you want make sure you be proud of whom you are and rock your style! You own it girl!

 

                                                 

That awkward moment in class...

I am a very book smart person, but god did not bless me with the ability to have common sense. Last week I was sitting in US History class and we are learning about immigration and urbanization. We were discussing how many people come to the United States every day. One hundred and eighty five to be exact with you. In Mr. Fontana’s class we all have fun and don’t judge answers but answer should’ve been judged. Mr. Norris my student teacher was saying that one hundred and eighty five new American’s come every day during that time period. I respond with “That’s a lot of babies!” Everyone turns around and starts laughing. After I say the comment I realize what I’ve said. All I can do is laugh and I found it funny too! I receive the answer of “No Karlie it’s the amount of immigrants coming to the us, but that was funny!”
 I am the type of girl who doesn’t get embarrassed by these sorts of things. I just make a laugh out of it and move on. Later in class the question gets asked “how do women during this time period make money?” Well if we use what we know about these days prostitution is a way many poor women make money. So as I was applying my skills I blurt out, Prostitution! Well everyone turns around and looks at me…again! Well my answer was valid and I made it funny! That is a viable way to make money then and now days so why wouldn’t it work?  So over the last week I have learned a few things about myself. I need to try and think through what I say before I say it. One of these days I am going to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and we might have a problem.  People also need to get used to my personality which I have a feeling my teachers are used to now. I might not be super common sense smart but I sure make things fun! So give those blonde people a chance because we arent as bad as you think!